


tie a noose around your mind

by dazzlemewithgold



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Child Abuse, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 09:25:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7429453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dazzlemewithgold/pseuds/dazzlemewithgold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a broken boy has moved next door and josh doesn't know what to think of it.</p><p> </p><p>inspired by Twenty One Pilots', Holding On To You.</p>
            </blockquote>





	tie a noose around your mind

**Author's Note:**

> hello, welcome to the hoty fic
> 
> first of all, please read all the warnings and tags to make sure youll be okay while reading this!  
> second of all, this is my first ""official fic"" so if you see any grammar/spelling mistakes tell me (im @aesthetictyier on twitter if you have any questions etc.)
> 
> enjoy reading my friends

Josh played with the hem of his shirt, the room he was in was getting a little humid. The boy was aware that the doctor was speaking, the vibrations his words made bounced off all the walls, but all Josh heard was gibberish. He felt as if the words were tuned out, and all he could focus on was how he'd love to go home right now. However, the sudden call of his name took Josh back to reality. “Josh?” The doctor's voice felt harsher and sharper now that it was in focus. “Did you hear what I said?”

Josh looked up with a dull facial expression and avoided eye contact. His lips were parted ever so slightly as he stared up at the clearly older man. Josh wanted to speak, lie to him about how he listened to each and every word, but no words fell out of his mouth. His throat felt dry and even though he knew his psychologist for many years, it was as if he just met this person. Today was not a good day for Josh, and it seemed like the doctor noticed because all he did was shake his head and softly speak. “You have to listen to me, Josh, I need you to talk to me. Otherwise, I won't be able to help you, do you understand?” The words hit Josh's ears, and he quickly nodded, shifted into a different position on the room's white couch, and pretended to listen once again.

 

-

 

The ride home was quiet as always, Josh's mom desperately wanted her son to tell her how he's been today, or about the meeting. But Josh rarely talked about his feelings, and his mother knew that, so if she ever wanted a proper conversation with Josh, it had to be something that didn't involve him as a person. The car's wheels began to slow down as the two got closer to their home. Something was different, however. The house built next to theirs – usually abandoned, lonely – was getting attention. There was a moving truck standing in front of the dusty looking building, along with what looked like a family of six. Many strong-looking men walked around them, carrying big pieces of furniture. Josh's eyes roamed around the area, and what was happening was obvious – someone was moving next door. It made Josh panic lightly, due to the fact that he might not be alone in the dark of nights, sitting on the rooftops and examining the stars. Josh wanted to be alone, he didn't want anyone intruding, he didn't want anyone to know about his sleepless nights. But just as his mother began to park, Josh's eyes met another pair. They were a warm-brown color, belonging to one of the boys standing outside. Josh wasn't sure why he hadn't looked away yet, eye contact scared him, but these eyes had a softer impact on him. The boy he was staring at looked startled, a soft pink glow made its way to his nervous face, and his lips were parted. He had dark circles fading into the pale skin under his bloodshot eyes, but that was the last thing that Josh noticed right before the boy hesitated and ran away. His trail leading inside the no-longer-abandoned structure and Josh's mother's car already made its way into the garage.

 

“W-who's that, mom?” Josh spoke without realizing as he turned from the window to face his mother, which led to her getting startled due to Josh being the one starting the conversation. But she happily answered, “New neighbors, I talked about them to you before. Do you not remember?” However, Josh was asking about the boy, not the whole family, but he shook his head nonetheless, pretending she answered Josh's actual question. “I don't.” Silence fell upon them afterwards, and after getting out of the car, Josh ran up to his room – no words said.

 

-

 

Days and weeks passed and Josh has been trying to keep up with everything that was happening next door. He even talked about it with his mom, which rarely happened. The boy was apparently called Tyler, and Josh couldn't help but really like the name. He looked out his window a lot, tried to figure out if the family is completely finished with moving in. Josh had no idea why he was so interested in this family – this boy – ,but for some reason he wanted to get to know them – him. And that was also very uncommon, Josh was a loner, making friends and socializing was hard for him.

At this moment, he was sitting on his window sill, looking out the window. It was dark out, but the moon casted some light onto the neighborhood. The window was wide open, and the occasional wind blew past Josh's face softly. It was quiet, just how Josh liked it. Only the faint sound of crickets could've been heard. The boy didn't know what time it was, but he was sure it was late. You see, even though his window was facing the house next door, Tyler's house, he still saw a bit of the road, and the trees that decorated the front yards. He saw cars parked in front of the neighborhood houses – poking into the empty streets – and some in front of the garages too. He wasn't sure if anyone was currently in the newly bought house right now, all he could see of it were windows on the left side of the building, but thick, brown blinds covered them, making it impossible to look inside. Plus, the big branches of the old tree that belong to Josh's family stood directly between the two houses – that was also how Josh managed to climb onto the roof tops from time to time. The tree's branches were very sturdy, they could probably hold up a person twice the size of Josh.

The windows below the one that leveled with Josh's room were also covered. Josh's curiosity level grew, but it wasn't big enough for him to actually do anything about it. And just as always, Josh sat there and thought about things. Not anything specific, however, the doctor said he shouldn't do that. Josh didn't really understand why the doctor thought overthinking was bad for Josh, but he agreed, just like he always did. Just like he always had to.

 

-

 

\

“Joshua?” His mom called up the stairs. The calls tore Josh's attention away from the book he was reading. “Could you come downstairs please?” He stood up from the bed, placed the book down and took slow steps downstairs to the living room. Josh didn't know why he felt nervous, it was just his mother. Once he made his way to the living room, he saw his mother standing next to the couch, waiting. “Yeah?” Josh spoke slowly. “Did you need anything?”

“No, no, I just wanted to ask you something.” She spoke and Josh leaned against the doorframe. That sentence certainly did not help Josh's nervousness. “So, because the family next door has completely moved in, they're arranging somewhat of a get-to-know party tonight, I just wanted to ask if you'd like to come too.” Her words made Josh hesitate for a moment, he didn't know. Did Josh want to go? He had no idea, he started to panic slightly and it looked like his mom noticed, because soon enough she continued her sentence. “You don't have to, of course. It just seemed like you're pretty interested in that house and-”

“I-I'm not interested in that house, why would-why would you think that?” Josh cut her off, which he was told not to do ever since he was little. He couldn't help but feel bad doing it, even if he'd done it accidentally. She stared at him, and sighed once she spoke: “Well, you ask a lot about it, and I just thought you'd want to come with us.”

“You're going?” Josh didn't know why he felt so surprised, of course they were going.

“Well, yes, they invited us. It's the right thing to do. You don't have to come with us, I understand if you don't want to.”

Josh thought about it, but when he realized how nervous he felt -his chest was as if closing, he couldn't breathe properly and his stomach was doing backflips-, he shook his head. It wasn't a good idea, even though he wanted to see the boy in person, his body was giving him signs that if he were to do this, it would not end well. All he wanted was to see the boy, but to do that he'd have to be in a room filled with more than 20 people – at least that was what he expected the number to be. Bad idea. A small, understanding sigh came from his mother, and then he jogged upstairs again, wordless. Josh then sat in the same position and read for what seemed like hours.

 

Josh became bored after a while, so he decided that climbing onto the roof and watching the sky would be a great idea. He was home alone, his mother and father left around an hour ago. Josh truly hoped that they wouldn't be able to see him. Due to past experiences, it was forbidden to climb onto the rooftops, according to his parents, at least. However, when he was halfway out the window, he noticed through the tree's branches, that the brown blinds were now open, and a room similar to his laid behind them. He squinted his eyes, and tried to get a better picture of the room that he was so interested in. All though he was interested, he decided to climb farther up to the roof. Gripping the tree's longest branch, he pulled himself further up. As he was climbing, grabbing onto various branches and brushing his hands against the leaves, Josh didn't notice that someone had opened the window next door.

“What-what are you doing?” Josh's heart skipped a beat and his stomach dropped. Then his foot slipped, causing him to almost fall from the tall tree. Not that the voice sounded scary – no – it sounded warm, all though it was kinda raspy. He quickly pulled himself back up onto the branch, he could hear his heartbeat in his ears as he proceeded to sit down on the wood and calm himself down a bit. However, that was until he looked in the direction of the voice. A boy with darker-brown hair and warm brown eyes, identical to the one he made eye contact weeks ago, was sitting at the edge of his window. Tyler. His legs were thrown over the edge and he swayed them a little, too. Josh could've heard him apologizing right away, repeating the word _sorry_ all over again. Josh hesitated, his heartbeat quickening even more. He stuttered, he didn't know how to answer. “It's a-alright. I-I'm just trying to get on the r-roof.”

Panic came over the brown-haired boy's face, “why?”

“I-I just wanna watch the sky,” Josh answered, and the other boy's face immediately relaxed. Silence fell upon them after Tyler let out a soft _oh_  of acknowledgment. Josh was looking Tyler straight in the eyes this whole time, not daring to break eye contact. Josh felt weird, eye contact always made him want to hide away, he didn't understand why Tyler's eyes felt so different. “Do you-do you want to come with me?” Josh stuttered out as he watched Tyler carefully, there was no emotion visible upon his face. Josh had no idea why he asked that. “I'm g-good, thanks. I'd probably fall anyway,” Tyler said quietly as he swayed his feet even more, his hands holding on to the window sill below him. Josh couldn't help but feel bad – but nervous at the same time. He didn't exactly want to share his sky gazing spot, but neither did he want Tyler to decline his offer. “You're J-Josh, right?” Tyler looked up. “I heard your parents talk about you a lot downstairs.” 

That was when Josh remembered that his parents were, in fact, at Tyler's house. He nodded, and then proceeded to ask the same, even though he already knew the boy's name. He desperately wanted to tell Tyler how much he liked the name, but his mind told him not to, that it would make things worse. “Do you like it here?” Josh questioned after Tyler answered the previous question, swinging his legs lightly as he kept sitting on the branch. “The house, I mean.”

“I do, but I kinda miss my old house,” Tyler said slowly and quietly. “My parents didn't want to tell me why we moved, though, and of course I had to be okay with it.” 

“And where did you live before?”

“Not that far.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah...but I didn't have many friends there, I mean neighborhood wise, so it doesn't really bother me.”

Josh nodded, his hands starting to get a little tired from them supporting his weight. “Since when have you lived here?” Tyler asked in a higher tone, his raspy voice becoming more smooth from all the talking.

“Since I was a baby, I guess. I don't remember moving,” Josh spoke, but was soon cut off. “All though I'm not reall-”

“Joshua! What have I told you about the tree?!” His mom raged from underneath. Both, Josh's mother and father, were standing on the cement sidewalk, having a perfect view over the conversation belonging to the two boys. “Get down now! And you too, Tyler! Get off the window, you'll fall and break something!”

Josh's mouth parted from the sudden screams, a mix of fear and surprise crawled over his skin. There's nothing scarier than a raging mother, maybe. “Ty-Tyler I'm so sorry,” He quickly spoke, not looking up, and without thinking about it twice, he started crawling inside. “I didn't know they'd come back so early and-” He continued to speak, but he stopped talking when he looked up, and saw that the boy was nowhere in sight. Josh was a little stunned, but quickly made his way back to the house, jumping through the open window and into his room. There, he sat until his mother came upstairs, and as always, had a long, repeated talk about  _Why you shouldn't climb up there, Josh._

 

_-_

 

Since the tree incident, Josh has been visiting his window almost everyday. He desperately wanted to see Tyler sitting on the white window sill, swaying his legs over the edge. But he was never there. The thick brown blinds were closed shut again, not even a small bug could fly through the cracks, they were that small. It was as if Tyler had completely torn himself away from Josh, and they didn't even know each other that well. Josh hated himself for making the boy mad at him, he never wanted that to happen. 

Josh tried to find a way of seeing him, whenever Josh's mother drove past the house when they were coming home from Josh's session with the psychologist, he'd look out the window and roam his eyes around the house, trying to find at least a small sign of Tyler, and that he was alright. He never saw him, though.

 

_-_

 

It has been more than a week and Josh was starting to get very worried. He almost went ahead and asked his mom if she could ring Tyler's house and ask if he's alright. But Josh stopped himself from doing it, it was none of his business, what if it would get Tyler more mad? Or worse, in trouble.

Josh was in his usual place, sitting on the small, cushioned stair that was right next to his one and only window. He wasn't looking outside though, he held a notebook in his hands, along with a pen, and wrote down his feelings. The doctor said that he should journal, that it would help him explain his feelings. But Josh didn't understand it very well, he never knew how this helped. He did it anyway, though.

Josh was finishing his last sentence when he heard, and almost felt, something small hit the window next to him. Thinking it was nothing, he ignored it.  _Probably just the wind or something_ , Josh thought to himself. But that thought then vanished when it hit his window once again. This time, out of curiosity, Josh turned his head out the window. A rush of excitement and stun went through him when he saw the familiar warm-brown eyes. However, this time they weren't surrounded by clear, pale skin. One of his eyes had a purple-yellow ring around it, it was not that vibrant though. It didn't look fresh. 

Josh's jaw fell, and he immediately slid his window open, seeing the boy sitting behind the open window. Both, the window and the blinds, were opened wide as Josh gazed upon Tyler. Josh climbed through the window, and sat onto the edge, his feet barely touching the tree's longest branch. Josh couldn't take his eyes off of the boy, he looked so hurt, so broken, so tired. “Tyler, w-what happen-”

“It's nothing.” He cut Josh off harshly. Josh wanted to tell him that it isn't just 'nothing', he wanted to ask where he's been, why he didn't talk to him, if he was mad. But Josh stayed quiet. He didn't want Tyler to feel overwhelmed, nor did he have the confidence to talk that much. Instead, Josh proceeded to climb on to the tree's branches. He felt nervous doing this, his mom was home, but she was sleeping. Josh prayed to all the gods that she wouldn't wake up before he got back. In between his slow, stern steps towards the tree trunk, Tyler's words echoed through the open space.

“J-Josh, no. Your mom- she'll catch us again. I-I don't want us getting into trouble...” He slowly trailed off, but then continued to speak as Josh stopped and listened. “What if- what if you fall? O-or my parents see me,” Tyler's eyes saddened once he said 'parents'. “It's better if you stay there. We can still hear each other.” Tyler stuttered his way through the sentences.

He looked fragile, and Josh didn't want to do anything to frighten the boy even more, so he obliged Tyler's request, and slowly made his way back to the window sill. Silence fell upon them afterwards. All Josh heard was the quiet ruffles of the wind and the tree's dances. He observed Tyler; he was looking down, his short, brown hair poking into various different directions, skin pale as if he were frightened. Josh wasn't sure why Tyler made him come out here, but he wasn't complaining, because one thing was sure: Tyler hasn't vanished, nor died. He was sitting right in front Josh. 

Tyler was wearing a sweater, its sleeves were pulled up all the way to his palms, his fingers holding it in place. Tyler's hands were placed wrist-side up atop his thighs, and he was looking down at them, but it looked as if he was in more of a daze. Josh then dropped his eyes down on to the ground beneath him, examining how the grass and the greens swayed under his feet. He had no idea what to do, or say, right now.

Both of them stayed there for what seemed like hours to Josh, only a few words were said between the two. But Tyler had to leave early, his father called him downstairs for something. Tyler seemed so frightened once he heard his father's deep voice. Before leaving, he looked Josh straight in the eyes for a moment before quickly trembling back into the house. His broken smile, frightened eyes and sweater-covered arms leaving along with him.

 

-

 

The roof's tiles were digging into his skin and the dark night's sky was decorated with the shiniest of stars. The 4am quiet fell over his neighborhood as Josh supported himself on his well known stargazing spot. He felt as if his mind was a fish-less pond and he was a desperate fisherman. Josh knew there were no fish in that pond, but he still tried, and of course failed. His mind was empty, and no random thoughts came flooding in like they always did.

Josh stayed there for about two hours and continued to examine the stars. He used to do this since he was little. The first time he ever climbed up there was when he was 10, he was a curious kid and wanted to explore. He used to always love exploring, and he kinda missed being able to fit into small spaces and investigate all the nooks and crannies of his house or backyard. He missed being little and carefree, not worried about a single thing in the world.

 

-

 

“So, Josh,” the doctor said and moved his chair closer to Josh and the couch. “How have you been doing this week?”

After a long pause and thinking, Josh shrugged, looking down at the ground. “I heard-” The doctor started to talk, but stopped for a moment. It looked like he was deciding if he should say what he was about to say or not. “I heard you visited the tree again, is that true?”

Josh froze, him and the doctor had talked about him and the tree once before, and it wasn't much of a pleasant talk. Josh nodded nonetheless, there was no point in lying. “Can I ask you why you did so?”

Josh looked up, looking at the doctor, not into his eyes, but somewhere very close to them. “I-I don't know.”

The doctor sighed, and looked as if he were in thought for a second. “Have you met anyone...new?”

“How much did my mom tell you?” Josh said back, his attitude showing. He was tired of the doctor speaking for his mother, Josh knew she had asked him to ask Josh all these questions, she always did. Both of them stared at each other for a moment, before the doctor sighed, shook his head and asked the original question once again. Josh tensed, realizing that he must've upset the doctor with his words. “Y-yeah.” Josh fell back into the nervousness he felt before, his words almost not audible.

“Who did you meet?”

“His-his name is T-Tyler.”

“Alright, what's your relationship with him?”

“We d-don't know each other that well.”

“How did you two meet?”

“Are all of these questions really necessary?” All the past questions went by quickly, and that made Josh feel fragile and unsteady.

“Well, do you have anything else you'd like to talk about?” The doctor asked.

Josh stopped paying attention to think, and before he knew it, he was talking. “I...I sometimes feel like I shouldn't be trusted. As if-as if people forgot about the fact that I am capable of lying. S-sometimes what happens.. is that I'm open a moment, I f-feel trust towards the person I'm t-talking to, even if I met them right that second. But before anyone realizes, I close myself off again, not letting them know about it. And n-now that I think and talk a-about it like this, I-I feel like I somehow don't deserve to...I don't deserve to...” And then he stopped, his mind completely shutting off. Josh felt like the words were stuck in his throat. He wasn't exactly sure what he wanted to say anyways. “I..I don't know.” Josh didn't want to talk anymore.

“Have you told this to anyone yet?”

“No.”

“What makes you think these thoughts?”

Josh didn't know. He shrugged and sat back into his chair. He stayed mostly silent after his small rant, he felt as if he said too much. Josh regretted most of the things he said in his miniature outbursts of complaints.

 

-

 

A month or so later, Josh was sitting on the living room's couch, reading. Reading was always something he enjoyed. The feeling of being able to get so focused on to a book that you started to feel like you were becoming a part of the tale was incredible to him. Escaping reality along with it was a feeling Josh always loved. No one was home; his mother at work along with his father. It was peaceful, for once in his life, he felt as if he had nothing to worry about. 

He never read in the living room – anywhere else than his room for that matter – when someone was home. He wanted to be left abandoned once he held the book he was about to read. Josh just liked being alone, but not when he was around Tyler, though.

Soon enough, he was back in his room, his small sanctuary of coziness and privacy. Not that Josh had anything to hide, but sometimes he felt as if he  _was_ supposed to hide something. 

After a few minutes, Josh found himself sitting on the window sill like usual. Feet hanging over the edge, swinging slightly. The air blowing through his hair was harsh enough to force the strands out of place. There was a storm coming, he could feel it. He wasn't afraid, he liked storms. Even the sky had to let out its anger sometimes, just like Josh, just like everyone else. He was looking around, his eyes hurting from the wind attacking his sclera as it blew from his left.

Josh has always thought what it'd be like to fall – or jump, in that matter – from this high. Not in a suicidal way, but from the crave of the feeling of freedom for at least those two seconds. Josh never did jump, his fear always stopped him.

For a split second, Josh thought of Tyler, and all that has happened to that small boy in the past month. The bruises, the black eyes, the scratches, and the sad eyes, words, expressions – everything. The two never talked about it, Tyler would always shrug it off with an  _'I don't know, let it be, Josh.'_ and then he'd proceed to talk about something else. Josh wondered where the fragile boy was right now, he desperately wanted him to come out and talk to him. Josh wanted to know how Tyler's doing – Josh wanted to be sure Tyler's alright.

As if on cue, the familiar sound of the window next door sliding open echoed through the open space. The boy stepped out of the window, and threw his feet over the edge. There was silence, and all Josh heard were sobs, that were as silent as the wind, coming from Tyler. His head was down, he was looking at his lap. All Josh did was stare, he had no idea what to say, or do, or-

“I want to leave this house, Josh.” Tyler's cry-like voice said, making Josh tear his attention away from his thoughts and towards the boy.

“What do you mean?” Josh said, his voice clear.

“At least,” Tyler sobbed, ignoring Josh's question. “At least for a bit, f-five minutes would be golden, y-you don't understand.”

Tyler was right, Josh was clueless, he didn't know why Tyler felt like this. “D-Did something happen?” Josh's voice wasn't so clear anymore, it was only a muffled version of the original.

A small laugh escaped Tyler's mouth, which then formed into a cry. “Everything's alright, Josh.  _Everything is alright_ .” He reassured.

Josh didn't believe him, but went with Tyler's words and didn't try to dig the answers out of him. He knew how that felt, and he didn't want Tyler to feel the same – it was as if someone was ripping open your safety bubble. “Do you want to come here?” Josh blurted out, a warm red color filling his cheeks, panic rising in his lungs.

A small, weak  _what_ escaped Tyler's mouth. 

“O-Only if you'd want to.”

“But my parents, they'd see me leave, they wouldn't let me.” Tyler's voice cracked once he said 'parents'.

“You can climb over, I can help you not fall.” Both of them talked slowly.

“Really?”

“Y-Yeah, wait, I'll go get you.” Josh said, and quickly but safely flung himself out the window and into the tree. He looked up at Tyler first, to make sure he was okay with this. No fear nor unsureness was visible upon his face.

Josh grabbed onto the branches, the leaves brushing against his soft skin. He was about halfway there when Tyler tried to step out as well, his feet barely touching the closest tree branch to him. Tyler hesitated, and took a step back, holding his feet against the cold cement of his house's wall. Once Josh got close enough to him, he crawled to the farthest point of the sturdy branch and took out his hand. Tyler froze and starred at the boy that was reaching out to him. Josh's heart was beating quickly, he had never done anything like this before. Josh watched the boy, and his muscles started to hurt from him standing in this position for a long time. “It's okay Tyler, I won't let you fall.” Josh spoke suddenly, breaking Tyler out of his gaze. Tyler looked at the branch bellow Josh first, before looking back up and straight into his eyes.

Tyler broke the eye contact, and reached out to the branch with his foot first, supporting his body against it. He then looked back up, and took out his hand, too. They weren't close enough to touch immediately, but they weren't too far either. It took Tyler to nudge himself towards Josh for the boy to actually catch him.

Josh's heart quickened even more, his insides felt as if they were folding when he felt Tyler's hand against his. Everything went in slow motion, and soon enough, the boy was just a few centimeters away from Josh, their hands still holding on to each other. Josh felt like it wasn't real, like he'll wake up any moment and go on with his day. But it wasn't, this was all  real life . 

The cloudy sky made the foggy sunlight fall onto Tyler's face evenly, not many shadows appearing from his features. All Josh wanted to do was stop there and just stare at the boy in front of him. But he couldn't have done that, so he held Tyler's hand tightly and led him among the tree's branches. Once they came to the tree trunk, Josh immediately told Tyler where to put his feet to walk over to the other side. Josh has already climbed through to the branches, all he did was make sure Tyler didn't fall.

“Put your foot there,” Josh said, pointing at a dent in the tree's surface.

“Are you sure it will hold me?” Tyler's voice sounded genuinely scared, his hand tightening its grip on Josh's forearm.

“Positive.” Just as Josh said that, Tyler hooked his foot into the dent, and held on to the trunk with one hand. With slow, steady moves, Tyler made it midway. He was almost at Josh's side, all he needed to do was make a few small steps. Josh held on to him, making sure his small body wouldn't fall. Tyler's grip on Josh was strong, fingernails digging into skin. Ignoring the pain, Josh guided Tyler around the fat tree trunk and on to the strong branch that led to his home.

Josh wasn't afraid of the branch falling, he knew it was strong enough to hold both of them with ease. His sigh was filled with relief once he saw Tyler sitting safely atop the branch. “Just a few more steps,” Josh spoke, trying to make sure Tyler stayed calm.

“Okay.” Said Tyler, slowly and quietly.

Still hand in hand, Josh led Tyler in the direction of his window. He looked back a lot, making sure Tyler was okay and not falling or hurting himself in any way. When he was close enough, he carefully let go of Tyler's hand, placing it on the end of the branch for Tyler to hold on to. Josh then jumped back through the window and quickly turned towards Tyler, reaching out to take his hand once again. Tyler took Josh's hand almost instantly and was inside in less than a minute, his feet safely on the ground. Josh noticed Tyler's shivers after he turned around, giving Tyler a quick look of reassurance. “You can go back, you know. I-” Josh started.

“No,” Tyler spoke, cutting Josh off, pausing. “I don't want to go back there.”

Josh nodded and sat on to his bed, watching Tyler as the boy looked around his room. He continued to do so once Tyler walked around and brushed his hands against the walls and some of the furniture. “This-this is your room, huh?”

“Y-yeah, ever since I was little, I guess.”

“Mine is really – uh – really similar to yours.”

“Well we do have identical houses.”

Tyler looked at Josh, nodding, “y-yeah.”

Josh stood up, slowly walking back to the window, looking out at the gray clouds that decorated the skies. “It will storm soon.”

“I like storms, even the sky has to get rid of its rage at times.”

Josh smiled, realizing that Tyler had a very similar opinion on the topic of storms. “I agree.” However, after Josh said those words, he remembered the reason behind Tyler's visit. Tyler still had a faint, purple-yellow ring around his eye, but it was almost unnoticeable. “Tyler?”

The boy turned around to face Josh again, he was looking at one of Josh's shelves. “S-sorry am I nosy? I didn't want to I-”

“No, no,” Josh sighed. “I-I want to know how you – how you always get those bruises and what happened to your eye and-”

“Josh, I-I already told you it's nothing.”

“No, it's not _'nothing'_ , Tyler,” he spoke slowly and quietly, a few stutters here and there. “What happened? Did you fall, or did – please tell me they're just accidents.”

Tyler's eyes fell down to stare at his shoes, a few sobs escaping his mouth. He didn't give Josh an answer, but it was obvious. Yet still, Josh couldn't even say it out loud, he couldn't believe that something like that was happening to the boy.

“Tyler-” Josh started, stepping out to walk over to him, but he was quickly stopped by Tyler as-if-collapsing to the ground. His knees tucked to his chest, keeping in his small, muffled whines, tears making their way to his cheeks. His back was leaned against the wall that held the well-known window, Josh didn't know what he was supposed to do. He walked towards Tyler, then sat somewhat close to him. Josh felt as if someone just punched him into his stomach, seeing Tyler like this, it was horrible. He thought about what he should do, what would be the best thing to do, but his mind was in this cluster of thoughts and Josh wasn't thinking straight. From all the thought-filled tornadoes that roamed around his mind, Josh did something he wasn't sure he wanted to do. He reached out to the boy and enclosed him in a tight hug, both of his arms thrown over the boy's shoulders sideways, his chest pressed against Tyler's left side. He could've felt Tyler tense up, as if he wasn't expecting this. Josh almost pulled away in fear that he was making the boy uncomfortable, but then Tyler relaxed, and let Josh hug him, fully falling into his embrace right after.

There they sat, silent, only faint exhales could've been heard as their breathing slowed down and synced up. They stayed in that position for what seemed like hours to Josh, but in reality was just over half an hour. But just as the faint pitter patter of the rain, that Josh predicted, hit the window quietly, Tyler spoke up, making Josh forget about the upcoming storm completely. “It-it wasn't always l-like this, you know?”

“What do you mean?” Josh answered quietly, adjusting to the new position the two boys accomplished to transfer into as time went by. Josh was leaned against the wall, Tyler's limbs next to both of Josh's sides and his chest and head pressed against Josh's chest.

“The-the things...he did – _does_ – to me,” Tyler stuttered out. “All of it, it wasn't always like this.” Josh stayed silent and let the boy talk. “It all started when we moved in, I-I don't know why, but he got really mad and just yelled at me and-” Tyler let out a small sigh-filled sob. Josh didn't know who Tyler was referring to as 'he', but he boy was pretty sure it was his dad Tyler was talking about. “It happened after they found us talking together at the tree, through the windows. When your mom yelled at us, I got really scared and ran in, because it was like I could've felt his rage – I didn't know how he found out about it so quickly. I felt that something bad was going to happen,” he sobbed once again. “And it did.”

Josh felt guilty. He felt guilty for being the last drop in Tyler's dad's cup of rage. The disgusting feel ing of culpability was steadied in the bottom of his stomach, this was all his fault. Silence. 

But then, Tyler was talking again. Josh didn't want to seem rude and interrupt, but all he wanted to do was stop Tyler from talking, tell him that he didn't have to continue on; “He yelled at me – swore and called me names –, he told me how much he doesn't want to see me sitting atop of a window sill anymore due to _'past experiences',_ that it was 'too much paper work to do the last time'. …But here I am now, completely ignoring his 'commands'.” Josh felt Tyler's voice vibrate against his chest as Tyler spoke those horrible words. He didn't realize he was squeezing Tyler against him a little too hard until Tyler was done speaking and it was just Josh and his thoughts left.

“Tyler, I-I'm so sor-”

“It does look r-really nice, right?” Tyler jumped into Josh's sentence, cutting him off and changing the conversation's topic quickly. It almost felt as if Tyler didn't hear Josh speak.

“What does?” Josh went with Tyler's intentions.

“The window sill.”

“Well…yes.” Josh spoke, confused slightly.

“I find it quite in-interesting actually.”

“How come?” Josh tightened his arms around Tyler's small frame.

“It's-it's this place, this place where you can _think_. You think about many things. What you've done in your life, what you want to do in your life. Life in general, you think twice about it, like, the reason and everything behind your existence…It's even scarier when it's at night.”

Josh stopped to think, silence falling over them. Only the faint sound of harsh rain drops making their way to the window above them could've been heard. Tyler, sadly, had a point. “It even feels like the time has slowed down to a complete stop, almost like it's completely frozen, because all you do is think, think and think. Y-you're like, lost in all these thoughts and it's just so…I don't know…different? Heavy?” Tyler rambled on and Josh listened carefully, taking in each word that the small boy has said and then filtering it through his brain, trying to figure out what _exactly_ the boy meant.

Suddenly, an eye-catching strip of light came from the outside, a loud rumble following a few seconds after. In surprise, Tyler clenched Josh's shirt in his fist and squeezed him closer. Without any words, Josh tucked Tyler into his chest just a little tighter to give him that small feeling of protection. “I'm sorry.” Tyler's voice was just a small whisper.

“What?”

“I said…nothing, it doesn't matter.”

Josh let it slide, he didn't want to make the boy uncomfortable by asking him unnecessary, extra questions. “Josh?” Tyler's voice appeared again.

“Huh?”

“You won't…tell what I told you to anyone, right?”

Josh's stomach dropped, reality hit him square in the jaw – metaphorically, of course. He knew that the right thing to do was to tell someone; his parents, the police, his psychologist, _anyone_. But what he knew was that if he were to tell; either Tyler would get mad, or Tyler's parents would. And Josh doesn't want to test those waters. Who knew what _he'd_ be capable of doing, if he realized that Tyler told Josh all this. Josh stared blankly into he space in front of him. “J-Josh?” Tyler called out for him, fishing for his attention. Josh turned his head towards Tyler's voice quickly, answering him with a small _yeah?_ , but then realizing what Tyler's question was. “No, I-I won't. I promise.”

“Pinky promise?” Tyler lifted up his body, so that his chest wasn't pressed against Josh's anymore, pulling out his pinky with a small grin.

“Pinky promise.” Josh did the same as Tyler, his pinky in the air while him and the boy as if knotted the two fingers together and tugged at them lightly. Both of the boys' faces were painted with toothy grins as the sky outside took out its anger onto the small space of the quite small, but fully occupied, neighborhood.

 

-

 

“Mom?” Josh called out into the empty-looking kitchen. His voice morphed into an echo-like structure once he stepped into the room. All the lights were on, which made Josh cringe slightly at what the electricity bill must look like. In most households, once you called out to your parents, they would've immediately responded with a common _yes, honey?_ not in Josh's household, however. Here, he knew where his mother was, there weren't many places for her to be. She was either sitting in front of the TV – too occupied by all the cooking shows –, outside on the phone, or in her room sleeping. The faint sound of a TV and a familiar voice of a famous TV-cook answered Josh's question. He made small steps as he walked towards the dimly lit room and the couch his mother sat on. “Mom?” He repeated.

“Yes, Josh?” His mother responded, eyes still glued to the screen. Josh was surprised that his mother wasn't shocked that he was the one seeking their conversation's beginning.

“I-I wanted to ask, uh, about Tyler's p-parents...”

“What about them?” His mom's eyes skipped from the TV screen to meet Josh's. He looked away.

“You met them before, r-right?” Josh asked, not expecting an answer, because he already knew it. “What are they like?”

“Well, they're both very sweet people, why'd you ask?”

“Just cu-curious,” Josh played with his fingernails as he spoke. “Anything… _weird_ about them?”

“No…Why would there be?” His mother asked. “Well, his father is kinda grumpy but that's about it.” She laughed, taking it all as a small joke. Josh, however, did not laugh, which made her furrow her brows and give Josh a questioned look. “Why did you ask this so suddenly? Are you okay, Josh?”

Josh shrugged and with a clear _'yeah'_ , he turned around and walked away. He was a good liar, he knew exactly what to do, no one ever suspected a thing. Sometimes it was a good skill to know and have, but other times? Not so much.

 

-

 

Months have passed; many useless sessions with Josh's psychologist were sat through, Tyler and Josh's number of meetings had grown twice the size and so did their friendship, but not once was Josh at the house at the opposite side of the tree. Sadly, not only the happy things had grew in size, Tyler had been showing up with more and more 'accidents' lately, and Josh had no clue what to do about it.

Both of the boys were currently sitting on top of one of the branches closer to Josh's house, Tyler was squeezing his chest against Josh as he held onto him for support. Tyler still wasn't much of a great climber, but that didn't stop them from meeting. Josh's hand was placed around the boy's waist as Tyler fully fell into Josh's embrace. They were peacefully enjoying each other's company in comfortable silence until Tyler suddenly spoke. “I-I wanna show you something.”

Josh looked at him, confused. “What is it?”

“It's something I never showed to anyone, it's special to me. H-Hold on, I'm gonna go get it.” Tyler said, slowly but surely unclasping his body from Josh's and crawling towards his own window. Josh knew that Tyler has climbed this tree enough times to know where and how to place his feet, but Josh couldn't stop feeling like he was supposed to take care of this boy, make sure he was alright. He was back in a few, however, now he had something in his hands and after closer inspection the mysterious item morphed into a leather bound book. Once he got back, he fell into the same position as before, this time trusting Josh enough to not let him fall as he held on to the book. He placed it atop his thighs, All Josh did was stare.

“I've been thinking about it a lot, and I c-came to the conclusion that I should probably show you this,” Tyler swallowed thickly as he played with the book's thin-fabric bookmark. “But before I do – there's something you should know…there's this _thing_ I often do when I write into this.” Josh listened intently as Tyler spoke with quiet, muffled words. Tyler then stopped, thinking of the right word as he made various _um's_ and _uh's._ “I – uh – write _differently_ when I'm in different moods. And-and I completely understand if you find this weird, but that's not the point – I don't know, just...here.” Tyler handed the book to Josh quickly. Josh held it in his hands, examining the item before opening it. He made sure Tyler was safely holding the branch before taking his time on inspecting the book. The book was a nice shade of grey, in some angles it even looked more blueish.

The satisfying sound of paper hitting paper filled the boys' ears as Josh opened the book carefully. What looked like hundreds of word-filled pages were now exposed to Josh's eyes, he almost felt wrong for doing this. From what it looked like, this was a journal, and Josh couldn't help but feel like he's intruding someone's privacy. Tyler's privacy. He flipped to the first page and examined how surprisingly pretty Tyler's handwriting is. However, after further inspection he noticed what looked like a pattern with the use of the t's and i's. Some pages looked completely normal, nothing but emotions left forever on a clean slate of a paper, but others had mixed in sentences that looked quite strange to Josh. Some of the t's were uncrossed and some i's undotted, making both of the letters look either like a very big lowercase L or a very small L. Josh stayed silent as he skimmed through the pages, treating every page oh so carefully. He didn't dare to leave even a small scratch on it.

As he looked through the book, he realized how the uncrossed t's and undotted i's were getting more and more common throughout his writing. Josh checked the date at the top of the pages each time, discovering that these dates were the dates of the first days at that house. One page, in particular, made Josh's stomach drop. The page was filled with sadness, misery, desperateness. The sad emotions were vibrating off of the small rectangle of a page. Josh couldn't watch it anymore, so he quickly flipped through it.

However, a small smile spread across his face once he saw the t's crossed and i's dotted more and more often. Some pages were even written completely normally. Josh wondered what could've made Tyler so happy that he stopped with all the letter-

“It was you,” Tyler said, cutting Josh away from his thoughts. “The reason I stopped with the letters...If you're wondering.”

“Me?” Josh quietly whispered, not believing what he just heard.

“I noticed it just yesterday, the way I wrote in the past – it was different – I realized, from all the dates, that it was _you_ , Josh.” Tyler looked up, making direct eye contact with him. As Josh gazed upon into Tyler's oak brown eyes, he felt this sort of force pushing him slowly towards the boy. He wanted to do something oh so risky, but what if Tyler won't accept this as something polite? What if he runs away and won't talk to Josh ever gain? All these questions clouded up his mind like a fog slowly making its ways through a city.

“Fuck it,” Josh whispered, Tyler was close enough to hear just that, and forced his body to move just so that small space between them closed. Lips to lips, they connected. His mind clear of any fog. Josh looked for any sign of protest, but there was only agreement as the boy's lips pressed against Josh's. Josh felt as if there was a bag of butterflies planted in his stomach anytime he was with Tyler, but now, all those feelings made it tear, explode; setting the butterflies free. He forced his arm to cup Tyler's cheek, fully taking in the feelings of Tyler's lips against his as he did so. All of this felt so right to Josh, it was as if Tyler's lips were made just for his and the two boys were just puzzle pieces completing the puzzle oh so perfectly. The kiss was soft, small, but it was all Josh could ask for. They pulled away just a while after.

Josh immediately missed Tyler's soft, plump lips, but it didn't matter because he could've been called the happiest man on earth. And in that moment, when Josh saw Tyler with rosy cheeks and a slightly parted mouth in a mix of shock and surprise, love suddenly wasn't such a scary concept after all.

 

-

 

Surroundings as quiet as a mouse, the neighborhood fast asleep.

 

3:30AM, a mind a complete opposite of last time.

 

Too many questions unanswered, too many questions given.

 

The roof's familiar tiles in contact with soft skin, denting it ever so slightly.

 

Eyes tired but not the mind, trouble floating up to the surface.

 

Wind blowing softly, making the boy feel fresh – even if he was not.

 

A mind oh so relaxed, but sadly, not for long.

 

-

 

His peaceful sleep was disturbed by what seemed like loud banging. His eyes ached once he forced them open, a burn-like sensation. Josh was in his own room, quickly bolting upright. He hazily looked around and tried to find the source of his waking. In less than a few seconds he noticed who was behind the loud noise. It was Tyler. His small frame leaned against Josh's window, eyes as red as a garden of freshly bloomed roses, as sad as a man with no partner. A combination of wet and dry tears decorated the boy's cheeks delicately. Panic rose in Josh's chest, he ran towards the window, opening it quickly and helping the boy tremble in. Almost immediately, the whines and cries of the younger boy bounced off the walls of Josh's room. Josh picked the boy up onto his feet, quickly leading him towards the bed. Tyler fell into Josh's embrace with sobs and muffled cries along with unrecognizable words. Josh asked Tyler what happened for what seemed like the 50th time. Josh tried soothing the boy; tucking him into his chest more and more as he shushed him with a small, quiet voice.

“H-He dest-destroyed it, J-Josh! He b-burnt it!” Tyler cried out through his sobs.

“Who destroyed what?” Josh asked needly, concerned.

“Th-the journ-al! My dad – he found it and-and told me that it's useless!” His words dragged out through sobs.

“He did what?!” Josh bolted into his overprotective self.

“H-He...it's g-gone, Josh,” the boy spoke quietly and slowly, voice raspy and tired. “I'll...I'll never get it back. H-He threw it in the f-fireplace…I-I saw it burn...”

Josh felt his shirt getting wet from Tyler's cries, rage boiling in his stomach as he thought about what _he_ had done. But even through all the rage, Josh couldn't help but feel numb. Numb, helpless, unusable. All these emotions piled up in his stomach, because he knew he couldn't do anything about what happened to Tyler. He couldn't have went to Tyler's house and punched his dad, that would spill all the secrets; the meetings at the tree – Tyler's dad never let Tyler go meet friends, at least that's what Tyler said, so they had to compromise –, the fact that Josh knew what his dad was doing to him, the journal, everything. But Josh felt so useless in this situation because all he could do was sooth the boy for now, but then he'd have to do it again, again and again, because his soothing didn't actually do anything. It didn't help Tyler at all, it would just as if prepare him for another punch. Someone had to know about this. “Tyler we need to tell someone.”

Tyler stiffened, swallowing his whines as he looked up with glazed eyes, “what?”

“Someone has to know about all this, I-I can't see you like this. It hurts me so badly to see all of this happening to you.”

“N-no, J-Josh, please d-don't.” His voice started to tremble and shake, the vibrations his voice made were filled with fear.

“But we _have_ to, Tyler, this is wrong.”

“N-no we don't, if-if he finds o-out about me t-telling you, he'd-he'd h-hate me and I can't im-imagine what he'd do th-then-”

“But if we tell someone all of this will stop.”

“But what if he-he makes everyone th-think I'm making it u-up? H-he'll fool ev-everyone into thinking I j-just have a _bright imagination_. H-He'll make me co-cover all of the scars and bruises and-”

“Tyler-”

“Please. Just, d-don't.” His voice was now less shaky.

Josh sighed, looking down at his feet, his hand still around the boy's waist. He nodded, a sad, small _okay_ escaped his mouth. He felt so wrong for keeping a secret this bad, but then again, he wasn't the one to whom all this was happening to.

 

-

 

Later that day, in the evening, Josh was in the kitchen, eating the dinner his mom made. He remembered how he he said goodbye to Tyler earlier that day, when the boy had to go back to his room, because his parents were going to be back home soon. What Josh realized once he saw the boy crawl back into his window was that he truly didn't want to let Tyler go back there, into the hell he called home.

Josh was slowly eating his supper of a soup, when his mother came and sat at the table. She sat in front of him, so that when Josh looked up he could've looked directly into her eyes. Not that he would. “Joshua, I need to ask you something.”

The boy looked up, eyes glued on his mother, waiting for her question. “You've been…acting strange lately”

“Have I?”

“You're in your room more often, you don't talk with your brothers and sisters anymore, you don't talk with your dad and I that much either. Is something wrong, Josh?”

“Not at all.” Josh lied, swallowing a spoon full of soup.

“Then why are you always locked away in your room Josh? You need to talk to someone.”

“I already am.”

“Who?”

“Tyle-” Josh stopped, realizing what he just said. The spoon he was holding made a unsatisfying noise as it dropped against the ceramic bowl.

“Tyler?” She paused, looking at the now pale Josh. “You mean next-door-Tyler?”

“Uh-”

“How do you two talk I've never seen him come through the front doo-” She stopped, realizing. “The tree.”

Josh gulped, a sentence somewhat resembling ' _Mom, just listen to me._ ' escaped his mouth. But it was soon cut off by his mother's words, “Joshua, what have I told you about the tree?”

“That I'm not supposed to climb it,” He said quickly, trying to answer her question fast enough so that he had some time to speak. “But you don't understand-”

“No I do understand. No excuses. You know what happens when you don't respect the window rule, I can't let you get hurt again.” She stood up, the chair's glide across the tiled floor made such an ugly noise that it made Josh's ears hurt. Goosebumps rose upon his soft, pale skin. Josh followed his mom with his eyes and watched her open one of the drawers in the kitchen and pulled out a key. He knew what that meant too well, his stomach started to feel like it was on a never ending carousel ride, the boy panicked.

“Mom, no, please. You don't understand-”

“I understand enough, Joshua. It's too dangerous, I'm locking it.” This sentence made Josh stand up, his mom making her way to the first step of the staircase that lead upstairs.

“M-Mom, you can't do that, please!”

“You'll have to meet Tyler differently.”

“But h-he's not allowed out the house most of the time!” He yelled at her from the bottom of the steps, adding 'most of the time' to the sentence. That was a lie, Tyler wasn't allowed out at all.

“Then there you go, you two shouldn't be meeting anyways.”

“B-But… _but I love him,_ mom!” Josh froze, realizing what he said. His gaze dropping in front of him as he went numb. If his stomach was on a never ending carousel ride before, it was sure as hell at a much wilder and uncontrollable ride now. The sentence ' _why did I say that_ ' echoed in his mind as he heard his mother's faint footsteps walking down the stairs.

“You… _love_ him?” She stepped off of the last step and walked towards her son.

Josh stayed silent, looking down at the floor instead as he could've felt his mom's close presence. Usually, he'd find it uncomfortable and he'd scoot away, not this time.

“Y-You can't t-take him away from m-me,” he sobbed silently, ignoring her question. Feeling his mother put her arms around him, he fell into her embrace slowly, loudly sobbing into her shirt. His mother's actions were then followed by her apologizing again and again, completely forgetting about her locking-the-window idea. “I'm s-scared that if I don't get to s-see him one day, he'll s-somehow get t-taken away from m-me. I-I don't want h-him g-getting hurt.” Josh whispered slowly and quietly into the soft fabric of his mother's shirt.

“Okay, honey, okay. Everything's okay no one will take anyone from anyone.” His mother soothed him, rubbing small circles onto his back. Josh cried and sobbed some more, letting all the emotions he was piling up inside of him free. Josh felt better once he let all of it go, but he also felt a lot more vulnerable. That scared him, his vulnerability, he was worried that he wouldn't be able to sooth or protect the fragile boy next door anymore.

 

-

 

The morning sun beamed into Josh's room through his blinds, waking him up. He blinked a few times, sitting up slowly. His sheets made a small ruffling noise as he moved his feet towards the left edge of the bed. He stood up, fixed up the sweatpants he slept in and with small, steady steps he walked around his bed. his head turned just a little from the lack of water.

However, when he looked out the window, he noticed someone sitting there, their back leaned against the tree trunk. He rubbed his eyes, maybe he was just imagining it? But he wasn't. After further inspection Josh realized it was the well known boy. His back was pressed against the tree's stalk, Josh could see him shaking and gasping for air. Josh immediately walked over to his window and slid it open, crawling outside, holding on to the scratchy wood. As usual, he climbed his way towards the tree's centre, towards Tyler. It was quiet and Josh felt the air hitting his right side. “Tyler? Is everything okay?”

“Leave me alone,” he finally said in between small gasps.

Josh's heart as if stopped, his stomach falling. “What?” He said weakly.

“I told you to leave, Josh,” Tyler said, a little harsher this time.

“But Tyler-”

“Why did you say it?” Tyler cut the boy off, his voice sharp.

“S-Say what?” Josh felt uneasy, he barely supported himself on the branch.

“The thing about my dad. He _somehow_ knows, apparently a _little birdie_ told him. You don't even want to know what he did to me, Josh.”

Josh stood there, his mouth open in shock and worry. He didn't say anything, he didn't understand what Tyler meant by all this. “Tyler I never said anyth-”

“LIAR!” Tyler suddenly yelled, making Josh jump in surprise, tears already forming at the edge of his bottom eyelids.

“T-Tyler, p-please!”

“WHY DID YOU DO IT?!”

“I d-didn't! Tyler, please s-stop!”

“NO! JOSH YOU PROMISED ME!…YOU…you _pinky promised_!”

“I didn't t-tell anyone! I swear!”

“Then who did it?!”

“I-I don't know,” the tears now covered his cheeks fully.

“That's w-what I thought…I-I thought I could trust you, Josh.”

“But y-you can-”

“Leave, please.”

“Tyler-”

“I said, _leave_. Now.”

Josh stopped, tried to seek eye contact with Tyler, but he was looking away. For the first time, Tyler was looking away from Josh and all Josh felt was nothing. Pure nothingness emptied its content into his body, it flew through his veins and through his mind, he felt it everywhere. This never ending numbness just settled at the pit of his stomach and it wasn't moving anytime soon. Josh left. He left with the feeling of disgust and failure fogging his mind and once he was finally back in his room, he broke-down onto the bed and let the tears flow freely,not caring about anything at this exact moment. He didn't care about himself at all, anyone could've done anything to him and he'd just lay there, completely numb and motionless. And as he did just that, too tired to force his eyes into focus, a small whisper escaped his chapped lips, “I love you, w-why can't you see that?”

Silence.

 

-

 

It was the next day, Josh and his mother were in the car on their way home. In Josh's hands laid a journal, grayish blue, just like Tyler's old one. He didn't think that giving him such a gift would make Tyler have calm thoughts about him again in any way, but he saw it at the store and it reminded him of the boy, so he bought it. Him and his mother had a small, quiet conversation. Josh was a lot more social now.

But then suddenly, as they were driving around Tyler's house and towards their own, Josh saw something that made his stomach go heavy and as if it flung itself from a ravine. His jaw dropped, and mind went heavy as he yelled the words: “Stop the car, STOP THE FUCKING CAR!” at his own mother. His lungs felt like they were closing, he couldn't breathe properly. The car eventually stopped, and the boy trembled out of the car – the journal still in his hands. He ran towards the tree, not caring if his legs weren't strong enough. “No, no, nonono!” He yelled as he watched what he hoped to never in his life see. Tyler. A rope tied around his neck, tied to a tree. His lifeless bod swinging due to the stronger wind, the sound of a noose cracking filling the air. It made Josh feel sick, he wanted to throw up, cry, hope this is all a dream and just wake up. He pinched himself, scratched himself, this wasn't a dream. Tears were now splattered all across his cheeks and hands and what felt like every inch of his body. “Tyler!” He screeched, hoping that somehow that would bring him back. He dropped the journal and along with it dropped his body. The grass taking in the muffled tears and cries of the now broken boy.

“I, I-loved you! I loved you, Tyler! Couldn't you see!” The last sentence being less of a question and more of an exclamation. “I loved you so fucking much! PLEASE, COME BA-ACK!” He gasped for air, the pit in his stomach still deep enough to hold the entire world. Josh was breaking, he was breaking on the inside, he never wanted any of this to happen. Not to Tyler. Not to _his_ Tyler.

Josh made a mistake looking up, seeing the pale faced boy. His body was drained of any life and Josh couldn't believe any of this. This must've all been just a hallucination, a _joke_ for crying out loud, just not _this_. “I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry! Pl-lease come back, I swear-I swear I won't-” He stopped, taking in a huge breath as his body was piece by piece tearing apart.

Josh shouldn't have left.

He shouldn't have ever left when Tyler commanded him to.

_This was never supposed to happen._

Josh then blacked out, the shock and the pain was too much for his small body. And for once, he was glad that his body was weak, he couldn't stay there and feel all those emotions. He had this small as if pause, but it wasn't forever. He had to wake up one day, face all this, but Josh truly hoped he didn't.

 

-

 

Just as always, body at the rooftop, mushed together concrete carving his skin.

 

His mind filled with sadness, an empty feeling aura where the broken boy used to sit.

 

The house next door now, again, lifeless.

 

And so was the boy that explored the roofs.

 

Craving a feeling of freedom, that's all he wanted.

 

The 4AM quiet covering the whispers and rumors of the well known neighborhood.

 

A thought in his mind, a not so pleasant one, however.

 

But he didn't care, freedom was all that he craved and it was oh so close to his reach.

 

The boy stood up, hardened concrete cracking under his feet.

 

He found the place where he'd let go.

 

And he did.

 

Air surrounding all his surroundings, the wind strong enough to twist a kaleidoscope.

 

Suddenly, no air to be gasped in, pain overtaking his vessel.

 

The darkness then asked him, if he were to come with him, and of course:

 

He agreed.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> hello welcome back  
> are you okay  
> probably not  
> im sorry 
> 
> if you think about this story hard enough, you can see a similarity of it with John Boyne's novel 'The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas' (i recommend it its rly good), and in no way, shape or form am i trying to steal his idea  
> while i was thinking of this fic we were reading the book at school and without realizing i mustve ""taken"" some of the ideas


End file.
